Damon VS Edward Chapter 5

Damon VS Edward Who is Hotter Chapter 5

Hello everyone!! I plan to start this show off with a bang!

*A loud bang could be heard* 

What was that? And I didn't mean it litterally!

Broly: I think Damon did it again.

Ugh, let's go see. *walks over to where Damon is and sees a huge hole in the wall*

Umm, how did that get there?

Damon: I think I might've threw something against it hard and it went through the wall.

What did you- on second thought, I don't even want to know. Ok starting the show now! 

Damon: Why do you bother writing? It sucks just as much as that low rate piece of crap movie Twilight. 

You know that I can very well write you out of the story if you don't be nice to me. Or...I could write a slash fic between you and Tinkerbell over there.

Damon: DON'T YOU DARE!

Then be nice to me, for one full chapter or else you will be screwing a vampire that is a fairy and has no fangs. 

Damon: FINE! *storms off* 

Emily: Aww, I wanted to see that slash fic!!

Hehe I already have it written. 

Emily: Ooh let me read! *reads*

Damon: *walks back over and looks at Emily* what is miss powder puff reading?

Emily: *tries not to laugh* oh nothing. I'm reading a very graphic story about Edward screwing Bella. Wanna read?

Damon: No thank you. As long as I'm not screwing him then I don't care to read it.

Emily: Suit yourself. *continues reading with an amused expression on her face*

Ok starting with DawnSummersGarwin!

DawnSummersGarwin:  Hmmmm, I totally love Damon the most. Stefan and Edward are such sissies, just
like Angel of off Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I would def. take Damon and Spike
no matter what. Damon is so hot. Hes got the whole badboy thing going on. My
form of torture is:
For Angel-turn him into a puppet like he did in his show, lol...
For Stefan-starve him and lock him up in a room full of vervain for as long as
possible, then lock him in a room with a newly turned Elena, Katherine,
Dru(From Buffy), Darla(Buffy as well), let them torture him. Then bring in
Buffy and Faith to have some fun of their own with him.
For Edward-Let the girls that get to torture Stefan play with him as
well.(Same goes for Angel.)Lol.
This story is amazing BTW. So much fun to go around. Damon is awesome, hot,
dangerous, and a million other things. For him and Spike being so great you
should give them each their own motorcycle(the bikes have to work and be
awesome looking,lol.) Okay I'm done now. Thanks for making an awesome story
BTW...

Lots of things to do now! *makes a few phone calls*

Damon: What is she doing?

Broly: *shrugs*

And....done! The guys from Vampire Slayer are on their way!

Angel: Hello, we're here!

Spike: Yeah, let's make this quick, I don't have all day!

Oh god, not another Damon.

Spike: I can be whatever you want me to be baby. *winks*

Damon: *pushes me behind him and growls viscously* stay away from her you prune!

Spike: Oh really? Who's gonna make me you Twilight reject?

Damon: Bring it!

Edward: Ok guys, I think that's enough-

Spike and Damon: STAY OUT OF THIS FAIRY!

Angel: *turns to Edward* I'm sorry if they were a bit mean. Spike's kinda has a temper.

Edward: Don't worry, I'm used to it.

Stefan: We all are.

Ok let's start with the torture! *throws Stefan into a room filled with vervain*

Stefan: Grr! I hate you! Let me out of here!!

Elena: Hello Stefan. 

Stefan: Elena- OH CRAP KATHERINE!

Katherine: What's wrong? Are you not happy to see me? That's too bad. I even brought some friends to play with us as well."

Dru: This is going to be fun, torturing the Twilight reject.

Darla: Agreed! Let's began!

*screaming could be heard from the cellar*

Hey, we need to throw Angel in there too!

Angel: No way in hell am I going In there!

Yes you are! *throws Angel in the cellar*

Angel: I HATE YOU!

Now for Damon and Spike, since you two are so awesome I'm going to give you super cool looking motorcycles! 

Damon: Sweet!

Spike: Awesome!

*two blue and red motorcycles appear*

Damon: I call the red one!

Spike: I get the blue!

Damon: *revs up motorcycle* these are really cool and run really well!

Spike: I agree! Hey wanna race while they're getting tortured?

Damon: Sure! Ready, set, GO! *speeds off with Spike right behind him*

Stefan and Angel: GET US OUT OF HERE!!!!

Not until the torture is done. I'll give the girls five more minutes. hey Emily, why don't you go torture Eddie over there? He's looking pretty lonely.

Emily: Sure. *smiles evilly*

Edward: *eyes widen* n-no! You stay away from me! 

Emily: Heh heh heh! 

Edward: *screams like a schoolgirl*

Wow, some very unpleasant things happening right now.

Stefan: HELP ME!!!

Oh, I forgot, the torture isn't over yet! Let's bring in Buffy and Faith!

Buffy: *licks lips* where's my prey?

In there! *points to cellar*

Buffy and Faith: Thanks! *walks in* can we join the party?

Stefan and Angel: NO!!!

Katherine: *smiles deviously* sure, we could always use more help.

Stefan and Angel: SOMEBODY SAVE US!!!

Not likely. Now, how's that race coming along Damon and Spike?

Spike: That jerk is beating me!

Damon: Haha eat dust you loser!

Spike: Suck it!

Damon: No, that's Edward's job.

Edward: FUCK YOU!

Damon: Sorry I don't do dicks, I do tits.

Damon, I'm going to have to rate this fic M because of you!

Damon: Then do it! Then I can finally see my little brother and Eddie boy screw each other like the queers they are!

You seriously are mean.

Damon: And you love me for it!

Um no, I do not.

Edward: You sick bast-

Emily: No cussing! *hits Edward with mallet*

Edward: Ow!! 

Damon: Haha she got you good!

Emily: *hits Damon with mallet*

Damon: Ow you little-

Emily: *hits him again* NO CUSSING!

Edward: *holds ear* god she could blow out an eardrum with hose lungs.

Damon: She already blew out mine. Effing hoe!

Emily: You want to get hit again?

Damon: Hit me again and see what happens.

Emily: *tries to hit him again but Damon grabs her arm and pins it above her head* You really shouldn't have done that. *slams Emily up against the wall*

Emily: *struggling in his grasp* Damon let me go!! 

Damon: *puts his mouth close to her face, fanning her neck with his hot breath* make me.

Emily: *stares into his blue eyes, falling prey to his charm* 

Damon: *leans in and kisses her on the lips*

Broly: *blood boiling with rage* GET YOUR HANDS OFF OF HER!! *charges at Damon*

Damon: *goes flying back from the impact but regains control and flies at Broly, ripping out his throat*

Broly: *screams in pain*

Emily: Broly! *runs over to Damon and knees him in the jewels*

Damon: Ouch. *falls to knees*

Emily: Broly! Are you ok?

Broly: *smiles weakly at her* I'm alright.

Emily: *turns to Damon and lifts him up by the collar of his shirt* you ever do that again and I'll make sure I'll damage your goods so bad you won't be able to use them again!

Damon: Kinky. I like it. *grins*

Damon, do you have a death wish? 

Damon: No, why? 

Because Emily is ready to tear you apart.

Damon: As if she can do anything to me.

She sure did a number to you jewels.

Damon: That's called lady's luck.

Whatever you say Damon.

Stefan: HEY, ARE YOU GUYS JUST GOING TO IGNORE ME ALL DAY??

Damon: That's a intriguing idea! I might do that!

Stefan: *growls*

Angel: You have to help us! I don't think I can take much more of this!!

Damon: *quirks eyebrow* what exactly are they doing to you?

Stefan: They're raping us and throwing glitter on me so I'll sparkle!

Damon: *laughs hard* 

Stefan: It's not funny!

Damon: Yes it is! Now you really will be Tinkerbell's twin!

Edward: STOP CALLING ME TINKERBELL YOU TWIT!

Damon: Not until you grow a pair of balls and start acting like a real vampire.

Edward: *flips Damon off*

Damon: Go stick that finger up Bella's butt. Oh wait, I killed her.

Edward: I hope you rot in a pit of fiery ashes you man whore!

Damon: Atleast I'm not a prostitute like you.

Emily: Ok guys, I think we have some more questions to answer.

Stefan: Aren't you going to let us out FIRST?

Fine. Geez Stefan stop whining like a baby. *let's them out*

Stefan: FREEDOM!!!!

Angel: Yay!! We're out of that hellhole! 

Elena: Aw darn the torture is over!

Katherine: Yep. Too bad. I wanted to put this on Stefan. *holds up a fluffy pink dress with flowers embedded on the front*

Stefan: Don't come any closer with that thing! The torture is over!!

Damon: It would've been nice to see you in a dress Stefan.

Stefan: You mean like the one you are wearing?

Damon: Shut up!

Edward: I wonder who would look prettier in a dress? Stefan or Damon?

Damon: SCREW YOU FAIRY!

I didn't know that Damon wanted to screw a fairy.

Damon: *slaps me across the face* shut up whore!

Ow! Damon, that was mean!! 

Emily: He's always mean. Especially with what he did to me yesterday!!

Broly: You should've let me kill the bitch.

Damon: Aww, the big bad sayian takes orders from his human mate?

Broly: SHUT UP PRINCESS!!!

Damon: Do you want to die?

By the way Damon, you still have to be nice to me for one full chapter or else you and Edward will make hot love to each other. If you don't want that, then I suggest you apologize!

Damon: *glares daggers* fine, I'm sorry. There, you happy?

Yes I am.

Edward: Yay, everybody is happy! *claps*

Damon: Can I please kill him now?

No, we need him alive!

Damon: Then can I please kill her? *points to Emily*

You kill her and not only will you and Edward have hot wild sex, you'll also get married and have 10 kids together!

Damon: *grumbles under breath*

Stefan: Hey, why do you guys have cool motorcycles and we don't?

Damon: Because I'm awesome and you're not.

Spike: Yeah, we're badasses and you guys are sissies!

Angel: Screw you!

Edward: I think the contestants are waiting for us. We should bring them up here.

Damon: No one cares what you think twinkle toes!

Actually, he's right. We need to get more people in here. Ok let's bring out Obsessionreader!

Obsessionreader: Lol! I love your story! I am team Damon all the way! He SCREAMS hotness! I
have nothing against Stephen, it's just that he reminds me of a better
looking, less gay version of Edward the fairy princess Cullen. As for
torture... Hmm... Make Elena confess her true feelings for Damon (of her love
for Damon) then she shops get married 2 him and consummate their marriage in
front of Stephen while he is tied down 2 a chair with vervain. Oh and Emily's
boyfriend should kick Stephan's ** for a change. And with Elena and Damon
please censor. Little kids like Edward and his family are watching! Oh! And
for Edward, I'm REALLY glad Bella is dead.

Hehe great torture idea!! 

Edward: I hope you drop dead.

Damon: I like you. So for that I'm not going to kill you in your sleep.

Stefan: *growls* you better stay away from Elena!!

Damon: You have no say in the matter considering your tied up to a chair with vervain ropes.

Stefan: You better let me out of here right now!!!

Damon: Nope, now Elena, is there something you want to tell me? Don't worry about depressed brother over there. He won't interfere.

Elena: Damon....I..I probably shouldn't have kept this in for so long but-

Stefan: Don't do it Elena!!

Elena: I love you Damon! *runs into his arms and kisses him passionately*

Damon: *spins her around and kisses her with equal passion*

Stefan: Elena, I thought we had something!

Elena: We did Stefan but ever since I saw your brother I've been falling for him. It was only a matter of time.

Damon: Let's get married infront of dear brother so we can really drive him insane with jealously.

Elena: *smirks* lets.

Preacher: I now pronounce you husband and wife!!

Stefan: Nooooo!!!!!

Elena: *rests her head on Damon's shoulders* love you babe.

Damon: Love you too kitten.

Edward: Ok I think I'm going to be sick.

Damon: Go back to the land of gay fairies and vampires that screw each other everyday.

Edward: Go die!

Damon: Already did moron.

Elena: Ok ok, break it up! Let's not make Damon cranky. We all know how that turns out.

Damon: Oh you know me too well.

Elena: I think I know you more in the bedroom. *seductive grin*

Stefan: Just please stop.

Damon: Haha not as much as I know you my dear.

Emily: I got another torture idea! Have sex infront of Stefan!

Stefan: *eyes widen* HELL NO!!

Damon: What do you say babydoll?

Elena: Let's do it and make Stefan squirm in his seat.

Damon: You read my mind. *throws clothes off*

Stefan: AHHH I can't watch!!

Spike: This is hot!

Angel: This is repulsively disgusting.

Faith: I agree with Spike!

Broly: I agree with Angel!

Dru: I agree with Spike!

Darla: I agree with Angel and Spike!

Buffy: I agree with Angel!

Edward: I agree with no one because I don't give a crap what they do.  It's their life!

Stefan: Get these sick people away from me!!!!

Damon: God Elena you are so good!

Elena: Mmmm.....*licks Damon's chest*

Stefan: JUST STOP!!

Elena: *gets off of Damon* that was fun.

Damon: *Nods* very fun. *smiles sexily* 

Edward: Just kill me already.

Damon: I'll be happy to!

Edward: Screw you freak.

Damon: I'm not a gayward who sparkles in the sun. Shove it disco balls. 

Edward: What?

Damon: Oh come on! Everyone knows that you have a disco ball under those pants! That's how you sparkle! I bet Bella used to go blind every night when she had to see them! 

Edward: Shut up you pussy retarded vampire!

Damon: If that's me, then what does it make you? Oh wait I know! The queen of all fairies!

Ok Damon, that's enough. Let's get on with the show. 

Damon: No!

*throws Damon against the wall* I said we are moving on! Next up is elenastarkiller! Welcome back!

elenastarkiller: Hahahahahahaha still lovin this fanfic! I'm still Team Stefan 3 and so I came up with torture for Damon: every person he's ever compelled can make him do anything they want (1 thing per person). And don't forget about Jeremy!
I LOVE U STEFAN! 3

Damon: 0.0 oh crap.....

Jeremy: I think I'll start off since he made me forget about Vicki's death. Ok Damon I want you to go put on some more make up to compliment that outstanding dress you're wearing.

Damon: No way in hell.

Damon.....you have to do it.

Damon: .....fine! But they all owe me...big time! *puts more make up on*

Awww, doesn't he look so cute? We should put a pink bow in his hair to complete the decoration! 

Damon: Screw. You. Whore.

It was just an innocent thought!^^

Damon: And I didn't like it! Now who is next? God knows I've compelled alot of people in my life.

Next is Caroline!

Caroline: You are such a jerk Damon! I want you to go jump off of a cliff!

Damon: Been there, done that sweetheart. 

Caroline: Ok fine. I want you to go tell Stefan how much you love him!

Damon: 0.0 WHAT???

She meant like a brother Damon. Geez, get your mind out of the gutter, unless if that's really how you feel.

Damon: SHUT UP! *goes over to Stefan* Stefan, I....love you man. You're my brother, how could I not?

Stefan: That was really sweet Damon, but everyone here knows that you didn't mean a single word of it. 

Damon: Yep I didn't so why bother?

Caroline: You are so insensitive Damon.

Damon: That's why people love me!

Nobody loves you Damon.....and even if they DID they wouldn't love you for that!

Damon: You people are just in denial. When are you going to wake up and realize that I'm the perfect man for anybody? Everybody loves the bad boy.

Emily: You are so full of yourself Damon. When are you going to get over yourself?

Damon: By the time you lose some weight, my little cupcake.

He did not just say that.....

Emily: What did you just say?!

Damon: You're a fluffy, plump, sweet cupcake. With extra fat in the middle. 

He really wants to die, doesn't he?

Emily: *shaking with anger* I. Am. Going. To. Kill. You.

Damon: Bring it on sweet cakes!

Emily: *eyes darken and slams Damon up against the wall* don't underestimate me. I am much stronger then you think. *throws Damon to the floor*

Damon: *dusts himself off* stupid whore ruined my jacket!

I think you better control your tongue when you speak to her. 

Damon: And I think you better shut up!

*sighs* ok I think this is all of them. So sorry it took me awhile to update!! I'll try and update everyday if I can!

Damon: Maybe you should stop updating period. 

*flicks Damon off* review!