You Have Lost me Forever

You Have Lost me Forever

Summary: Damon's POV of what happened at the end of 2x03.

Chapter 1

I walked with Elena on her front porch, telling her that we had fun in Duke. She replies that things aren't back to the way they were, and to be honest that hurt. I thought that she would be over the fact that I nearly killed her brother. And he's alive so why in the world is she still pissed? Deep down inside I knew she had every right to be pissed at me for what I did. I had no right to do that.

"Oh come on, you I know I chipped a bit at your wall of hatred." I smiled jokingly at her, hoping she would smile back. Instead, she grew more aggravated. 

"I need the truth. When you snapped Jeremy's neck, did you know he was wearing the ring?"

I sighed. Back to this are we? Well, maybe if I tell her the truth then she won't hate me as much. I knew my efforts were in vain and that she would continue to hate me to her grave but I had to gain back that shred of friendship that I KNEW was inside of Elena's heart, ready to be unleashed.

"No," I choked out, surprised by how my voice sounded, "I didn't. He got lucky wearing the ring. I don't know what I would've done if he wasn't wearing it."

"Thank you for being honest." she replied sincerely.

I inwardly smiled, knowing that our friendship  maybe did have a chance in hell. Maybe there's hope after all. 

"And the answer to your question about our friendship,"

I mentally prepared for the harsh rejection I knew I was going to get.

"Is yes."

It was as if the angels were singing from the heavens. Did I hear her right? Did she really say yes? 

"You have lost me forever." 

In that instinct, the world that I was in quickly collapsed and I found myself back at square one. I knew I was deluding myself, thinking she would forgive me after one little piece of truth. So why is my stomach doing flip flops and making me feel like I'm going to hurl?

I stared at her in complete silence, flabbergasted and angry. Well, if she wants to play rough then I'll be damn happy to comply. "But you already knew that, didn't you?" I spat with hate and venom in my voice. "You used me today."

"You had information about Katherine that I needed to know." she stated like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

I couldn't believe her. I could NOT believe that selfish little bitch. She was no better then Katherine, hell she's worse then Katherine! She wanted me to get my hopes up about our friendship when she said yes and paused. She wanted me to reach for that shining star in the sky and then quickly yank me away from it's grasp, reminding me that she and Katherine have so much more in common then just the way they look. I stared at her shocked face before I said the words that would surely destroy her. "You and Katherine have alot more in common then just your looks."

I took in her shocked face and then quickly spun on my heel and left, not once turning my head to look at the woman that I cared for more then anything, and the one that had the power to hurt me the most. 

But even on our deep driven state of hatred, we both knew I would come whenever she needed help or was in danger. She knew my weakness was her safety and well-being. 

She knew how much I loved her, that's why she won't forgive me. She doesn't want to betray Stefan so she pushes me away. Well, she doesn't have to push anymore. I'm done with her. I'm done with everything,

The end

  

Baby VD Chapter 2

Baby VD Chapter 2

The next day, Damon and Elena once again saw each other. Elena smiled as she crawled over to Damon who was playing with a bouncy ball. "Hi Damon." she smiled sweetly at him.

Damon threw the ball in the other direction which hit a brown haired baby in the face. The little boy rubbed his face and cast an angry glare at Damon, tears coming to his eyes.

Damon just rolled his eyes dramatically. "Stop acting like such a baby and man up wimp!"

"You made me get boo boo!" wailed the child, exploding into tears.

Damon inwardly groaned and turned his attention back to the brown haired vixen sitting infront of him. "Babies." Damon shook his head and stood up, taking Elena's hand. "Can you walk?"

Elena shook her head. "Not really."

Damon grinned as he helped Elena up. "It's real easy. Just follow my lead."

Elena gripped Damon's hand for dear life as she stumbled around but regained her footing with Damon's help and was able to walk while holding onto him. "See? That's not so bad."

Elena laughed as she looked into Damon's baby blue eyes. "Whank you Damon."

Damon smiled as he pulled Elena into a hug, a feeling of warmth entered his body that he never felt before. Why am I feeling like this? Damon wondered to himself as he looked down at Elena who was beginning to let go of him and walk on her own, how can I have feelings for this girl I just met?

He watched as Elena wobbled on her feet but continued to walk until she lost her footing and began to fall towards the ground. Without even thinking, Damon ran vampire speed over to her and caught her in his arms right before she hit the floor. Elena looked like she was about to cry as a few whimpers escaped her body. "Hey Elena, it's ok. I got you." Damon whispered softly to her, hoping that would calm her down.

Elena opened her squished eyes and looked into the ocean that were Damon's translucent eyes. "I ok. Whank you for saving me Damon." 

Damon shot a special smile that he only reserved for her. "C'mon, let's go play."

Elena nodded as she once again took Damon's hand in a tight grip, knowing that nothing would happen to her while she was close to him. 

They walked a few feet back over to the blocks and sat down. Damon looked off to his side and found a small fake rose. He picked it up and handed to Elena. "For you."

Elena smiled as she took the rose and held it close to her. "I wuv it!"

Damon smirked. "I knew you would darling."

Elena was about to say something back when a block came flying out of nowhere and hit Damon in the face. Damon growled, fighting back tears as he looked for the culprit responsible for throwing the block. "When I find that person he is a dead man!"

"Wow, who woke up on the wrong side of the cradle?"

Damon looked up to see the same brown haired boy he threw the block at. "Oh, it's crybaby."

The toddler threw Damon a menacing look before speaking, "My name is John. I know alot about your kind and someday I'm going to kill you."

Damon stared at him for a second, blinked, then burst into a fit of coughing laughter. "Wow, maybe I hit you too hard on the head kid. I'm sorry about that."

John glared. "I will kill you someday, vampire."

Elena looked at him confused. "Wampire?"

Damon looked back at Elena. "Don't listen to this idiot Elena. He obviously has been taking too many drinks out of the toilet lately."

John growled as he picked up a wooden block. "Wood is harmful to vampires so I'll kill you with this! Now die!" 

Damon stood there like a statue and watched as the block came inches from his face before he disappeared and grabbed John into a chokehold. "Now, let's not pretend like we are all high and mighty just because you know a few things about me when it is THIS," he tightened his grip on John's neck, making him gag, "easy for me to end you." He let go of the wide eyed John who was coughing up milk onto the ground. 

Elena looked on with frightened eyes, deathly afraid. She looked up at Damon's transformed face and tears sprang to her eyes, quickly falling down her face and hitting the floor. Damon must of heard Elena's whimpers because he turned around and ran over to Elena who quickly cowered away from him. "Elena," Damon spoke softly, reaching out to touch the water sliding down her face but she jerked away, "please don't cry." all the redness and veins vanished from Damon's stone face and he looked on in desperation. 

"She'll never except you for what you are, so don't even try to win her back with your false words of love. A monster can't love anything but only himself."

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!" Damon yelled in rage as all the anger from before came roaring back to life. Just as he was about to end John's life, two hands reached down and picked Damon up.

"Now Damon, we don't talk like that to other people. Bad boy." the lady scolded him firmly.

"I swear to god lady, one more word out of your mouth and you're next!" Damon grumbled angrily to himself as he was put in the naughty chair. 

"Now stay there and think about what you have done!" the lady shot Damon one final look of displeasure before walking briskly away. 

Once she was away, Damon looked over to the play area to see Elena openly crying by a stack of blocks. He watched as the same lady from before picked her up and rubbed her back as she shot Damon a hostile glare. "Little whore. Wait until I get my hands on her!" 

Elena was still crying as the nurse held her and it was slowly driving Damon mad. He wanted to be the one to hold her in his arms, not that stupid weakling human! He looked over to the play area to see John smiling in delight, obviously enjoying this. Damon snarled angrily in his direction as he got up out of the chair and slowly stalked towards John, fully intending on beating him to a pulp.  "You are so dead."

"Damon! Get over here!" yelled the lady angrily.

Damon just tossed her a sideways glare as he jumped into the playpen and grabbed John by the neck. "You sick freak. You'll regret the day you've ever met me!"

John's eyes widened as Damon's hands twisted his neck to a breakable point. He could hear the sounds of bones cracking and bending. Just as he was about to snap his neck, Elena's voice rang in his ears. "Stop it Damon!"

Damon instinctively let go of John's neck and turned to face Elena who was standing a few feet away from him, unshed tears in her eyes. Damon walked over to her and tried to take her hand but she jerked away. "Don't hurt him Damon, please."

Damon stared at her for a second before nodding solemnly. "Ok, I won't hurt him but can you forgive me?"

Elena looked up into his honest blue eyes and nodded. "Ok."

Damon smiled as he pulled Elena into his embrace and kissed her head softly. "Damon Salvatore! You let go of her right now!"

Damon turned his attention to the lady that angrily stomped over to him and growled. "Screw you, you ugly bitch."

Elena looked at Damon who picked her up and dashed out of the daycare with Elena safely tuckered in his arms. 

Unknown to them, a pair of brown chocolate eyes watched them intently, a small glare formed on his face as he watched Damon leave with Elena.

"Where are we going?" Elena asked him as Damon continued speeding along.

"We're going to a hill to relax and get away from that hellhole they call a daycare."

Elena smiled. "We eat there?"

Damon nodded. "I have our food."

Soon, Damon came to a clearing and set Elena down on the soft green sparkling grass. He sat down right next to her and watched as Bluejays flew around them. The air was fresh and and clean and the sunlight reflected off of the trees, causing the leaves to sparkle. Elena and Damon sat in close proximity with each other and Elena put her chubby arm around Damon's neck as he turned around and hoisted her up into his lap, looking deep into her chocolate filled eyes. Elena blushed slightly as Damon's eyes got intense and he leaned down towards her neck, breathing in her breathtaking smell and fighting the urge to take her right then and there. His face slowly started to change but he immediately gained control and fought it off, which was an extremely hard thing to do considering that her scent overwhelmed him with extraordinary pleasure. "It's nice here, isn't it?"

Elena nodded happily, her pigtails flying in every direction. "You sweet Damon."

Damon laughed as he got Elena's bottle and handed it to her. "Are you gonna eat?" she asked him.

Damon nodded as he pulled out his bottle filled with bright red blood. "Yep."

"That juice?"

Damon stared at Elena, trying to think if he should lie or not. But since she knew a little bit about him already, he figured telling her the truth wouldn't hurt. "No, it's blood."

Elena looked at him quizzically. "What's that?"

Damon sighed. "Blood is what we have in our bodies. It gives us life and permits us to live. If we don't have blood then we die. I drink blood because that's what my kind are supposed to do, humans like you don't drink blood."

Elena nodded, still staring at him. "Wampires drink blood?"

Damon laughed, causing Elena to smile with him. "Yes, yes we do." 

They sat there in silence for a minute, neither one saying anything. Damon got up and stretched his legs, taking Elena's hand in his and pulling her up. "We have to get back to the daycare now. It's almost time for my dad to pick me up and if he finds out what I've done then he'll kill me." He quickly sped back to the hotel and made it there in record time. He set Elena down on the ground. "I want you to stay here and don't move until I come back outside, ok?"

Elena nodded. "Kay."

Damon turned away from her and walked inside. The daycare lady was busy holding a small infant, trying to calm it down as it wailed. Damon walked up to her and crossed his arms over his chest as the girl turned around to find him standing there. Before she could point her finger or yell at him, Damon beat her to the punch. "You will not remember anything that happened with me, Elena, and John. We had no fight and Elena and I did not run out of the daycare. It was all a dream."

"It was all a dream." the lady repeated in a trance.

Damon smirked. "Good." He walked back out to find Elena sitting in the spot where he left her. "Elena, it's safe to come in."

Elena quickly got up and dashed over to Damon, wrapping her pudgy arms around his neck. Damon laughed as he pried her off of him and took her hand. "You're going to break my neck!" he growled playfully.

Elena giggled, walking with Damon back into the daycare. Somehow, she knew that her troubles with the other kids were far from over, but as long as she had Damon by her side, she wasn't scared of anything.

A/N: I really hoped you guys liked this chapter and I apologize If Damon was OOC. Sorry if this seemed a little bit corny or unrealistic. But hey, Damon's a vampire and I could totally picture him doing this. And to clear things up, he doesn't know about Katherine yet and she hasn't screwed with him yet so I thought I would make Damon a little more nicer since in the 1864 flashbacks he seemed to act a little bit like Stefan, nice and kind. Lol maybe I'm reading too much into it.

Thank you guys for reading and please review!! 

Baby VD

Baby VD

Summary: What if all the Vampire Diaries characters met each other as babies? Interesting things are sure to follow. And yes, Damon, Stefan, and all the other vampires are still vampires. Takes place in present time. Read and review!

Chapter 1

The daycare center on the edge of Mystic Falls was booming with life as parents came in and out, dropping off their kids and heading off to work. The ages range from two months to four years old. Staff was hustling about, trying to get to every parent and make this place seem as kid friendly as it should. A little black haired boy was sitting unhappily in his dad's arms, glaring at the brightly colored blue wall infront of him. He was about two years old and already had a bad attitude. 

He crossed his arms over his leather jacket, fuming. He cranned his neck to look at his dad who was holding him and his idiot one year old brother. "Why are you taking me here?"

His dad sighed. "Because I need to do some work and plus I need a break from your mouth! You better be good and not feed on anyone! I have your special juice right here! Be good Damon."

Damon rolled his eyes. "Yes Daddy." he muttered sarcastically.

Mr. Salvatore set his kids in the playpen before bounding out of the daycare and to his car. Damon looked over to his brother who was crawling over to a stuffed squirrel and began chewing on it. Damon cocked his head to the side. "What are you doing?"

"Goo goo." (Chewing on a squirrel so I can practice my hunting skills.)

Damon shook his head. "Moron."

Stefan continued to chew on the stuffed squirrel when a little brown haired baby was put into the playpen with them. The little chocolate eyed girl looked up to her mom who was smiling at her. "You be good for Mommy, ok Elena?"

Elena just stared at her mom for a minute before turning her eyes towards to Damon and Stefan who were sitting behind a row of blocks. Damon watched as Elena's mom left and looked at the brown haired beauty infront of him. She wore a blue jumper suit, two small pigtails sprouted from both sides of her head, and her little smile sent tremors through Damon's body. She looked to be about one or two years old. Dang, that's one fine looking girl. he thought to himself. 

Elena smiled as she crawled over to the boys and sat down next to Damon. "Hi, I Elena. Who you?"

Damon smiled. "I'm Damon. Pleased to meet you."

Elena giggled at his voice and picked up a block and started stacking them on top of one another. "Need help?"

Elena smiled warmly at Damon. "Kay."

The two continued to make a mountain of blocks together, while Stefan watched on with envy. "Goo goo!" (Damon is nothing but a big showoff! He doesn't know how to take care of a girl!)

Damon growled, throwing one of the blocks at Stefan. "Shut up!"

Stefan took one look at Damon before his eyes got watery and he began crying. Damon rolled his eyes as one of the daycare nurses came over and picked up the wailing Stefan. "Aw there there sweetheart. Don't cry." 

Elena giggled as Damon smiled at her. "Now that we have that baby out of our way, let's play."

Elena nodded and resumed playing blocks with Damon. After a few hours, they began to get tired so a lady came over and put them in separate cribs and gave them each a bottle and Teddy bears to sleep with. "Sweet dreams Elena and Damon."

Once the nurse was gone, Elena sat up in her bed and looked through the railing at Damon who was looking at her. "Wanna sleep with me?" he asked her while smirking.

Elena nodded but looked at him with crestfallen eyes. "But we can't reach each other."

Damon smirked as he stood up and in a flash he was laying next to Elena who was looking at him with widened eyes. "How you do that?" 

"Just a little trick my daddy taught me. All Salvatores have this ability." he lied smoothly.

Elena nodded, seeming satisfied with the answer and cuddled close to Damon, throwing her Teddy bear to the foot of the crib. Damon smiled a little as he wrapped both of his arms protectively around Elena's small body, holding her close and breathing in her scent. Elena smiled as she rested her head on Damon's chest, listening to his beating heart.

They stayed that way until it was time to go home.

A/N: I hope you guys liked this chapter! Don't worry, more of our favorite characters will come in soon! Please review and thanks for reading!

Traitor Chapter 2

Traitor Chapter 2

A/N: Here's the second chap! I hope enjoy!!

Mary yawned as she lazily got out of bed and went to go get dressed for another day at school. But every so often, her mind would flicker back to a black haired boy with swimming blue eyes that make you drown If you stare into them for long. "I can't believe it. Am I falling for this guy that I just met?" she said to herself as she brushed out her mattered hair, locks of curly brown falling down and resting neatly on her back. 

                   *****

Damon smirked to himself as he got ready. He was dressed in his usual black clothing: black shirt, black boots, black pants, and a leather jacket. His mind kept drifting back to that brown-haired girl that he played like a toy yesterday at school. "Ha, I bet she can't stop thinking about me. Well, that's the affect I have on everybody. No one can resist my charm."

Damon took one last look at his room before transforming into a black crow and taking flight, going to Mystic Falls High.

                    ****

Mary hopped eagerly out of her car and walked towards the school grounds, seeing almost everybody hanging outside and just a few people lounging around inside. Her eyes scanned the area, looking for somebody she knew was there. Her heart skipped a beat when she saw him. Wearing all black and his signature smirk, Damon was leaning against the building and pushes himself when he saw Mary approaching him. "I was hoping you'd be here." she smiled as her heart exploded with endless flutters of different colored butterflies. Damon smiled as he took her hand and spoke something in Italian. Mary looked at him confused. "It means "good morning sweetheart".

"Oh, uh thank you. It was really sweet." Mary was now turning into a ripe tomato right before Damon's eyes. He just smirked and pulled her close to his rock hard body. "What's with the blush, darling?"

Mary giggled a little as she looked up into his handsome face. His smile captivated her, marveled her, made her feel like her life was completely and utterly complete. Damon ran his fingers through her beautiful chocolatey hair, smoothing out the curls and looking deep into her eyes, feeling a twinge inside his stomach that he hadn't felt in a very long time. What's wrong with me? I'm not supposed to feel like this! he thought angrily to himself. He lightly tore his hands away from Mary, making an excuse about being late for class and walked off.

Mary stared at his retreating form in confusion, not knowing what to make of this new behavior. "What's with him?" she asked herself as she grabbed her stuff and went to class.

The clock ticked by slowly for Mary. She was anxious to get to second period to see what was bothering Damon. The bell rang, and Mary grabbed her stuff and bolted out the door, wanting to get some answers for the way he acted.

She walked into History class and Damon was there, flashing her his famous grin. Mary couldn't help but smile back. God, he wad gorgeous when he smiled. She took her seat next to him and was about to speak but Damon beat her to it. "I'm sorry for the way I stormed off earlier. It was completely uncalled for and I apologize."

Mary nodded, too stunned to speak. "It's ok. I forgive you." Mary reached her arms out to hug him but he pulled away. 

"Class is about to start." he muttered, turning his attention away from Mary. He couldn't believe he felt this way about a human girl, and he hated every minute of it. He wanted to flip the switch and shut his feelings out but for some reason he wasn't able to do that. For some strange reason, he wanted to have feelings for her, and it was mind boggling why he was attracted to her in such a way. He hadn't felt like this since Katherine. 

Mary smiled at him, watching him answer the questions that the teacher threw at him. He was really smart. Damon smiled as he looked back at her, and then faced the flushed teacher who was floundering for questions that he wouldn't know. "Ok, Mr. Salvatore, what year did the Civil War take place in?"

"1861-1865. You know, these questions are pathetic. Give me a real challenge."

The teacher growled, glaring at the smart alec student that puzzled her the minute he walked in the door. She sighed. "Fine, I want you to write an essay about the Civil War. Describe everything in perfect detail, almost as if you were living in that timeline."

Damon grinned. Little does she know, I am from that timeline. Damon thought as he snickered slightly which didn't go unnoticed by the teacher. "Is there a problem?"

He flashed her his brilliant smile and folded his arms on the table. "It'll be a pleasure."

After class, Mary walked over to Damon who was hanging out by the lockers, looking girls up and down. "Hey." 

Damon turned around and saw Mary standing there, her beautiful chocolate waterfall of hair sliding down her back, the angelic glow she gave off that was only visible to Damon, and her smile that she reserved only for him. "Damon?"

Damon snapped out of his trance and smirked slightly at her, his barriers coming back up. "Yes?"

"I uh," Mary shifted uncomfortably as her eyes stared into the shining ocean that was held in Damon's eyes, "I was wondering if you would like to come over and maybe I can help you with your history essay."

Damon stood there, surprised, but shook it off and regained his composure. "How about we do it at mine?"

Mary nodded, her brown curls flopping up and down. "That'll be great Damon! What time should I come over?"

"How about 8?"

"Ok, I'll see you then!" Mary walked happily away from Damon, excited that she would get to spend the evening with him. Her friend Hailey caught up to her just as she was walking out the door. 

"Hey Mary! I saw you talking to Damon!"

Mary nodded, turning around to face her friend. "Yep, and he invited me over to his house!"

Hailey laughed. "Woe so soon? Don't you usually need to go on a date first before you go over to his house?"

Mary laughed. "No silly! We're not going out...yet." a sly smile crept up on her face, making her smile even more.

Hailey's eyes widened in mock horror. "Oh no, this could end up disastrous!"

"Haha well I have to go now. See you later!" Mary waved bye to Hailey as she got on the bus and went home, thoughts of Damon were now consuming her. She couldn't believe that this guy she just met was making her have butterflies in her stomach and it was only the second day that she had known him.

              ****
Eight o'clock finally came for Mary who had been waiting impatiently. She quickly fixed her hair, applied some make-up, and dressed in a short aqua blue dress with high heels and earrings that shone like diamonds when exposed to the sun. She knew that she was overdoing it just for some homework, but she wanted to make a good impression and wanted Damon to see her in other things besides the simple school clothes that she wore. She got into her car and drove towards the boarding house, using the directions that Damon gave her.

Soon, she arrived and got out, slamming the door to her Porsche and walking up the steps to the door, her heels clicking against the concrete as she walked. Before she could even knock, Damon opened the door, motioning for her to come inside. As she walked in, she realized that Damon stayed in the same clothes that he wore when he was at school, but she could make out the distant smell of shampoo coming from his hair. 

Damon couldn't keep his eyes off of her. She was like a goddess in his eyes. He was drinking in her appearance with his eyes, enjoying every minute of it. Now all he had to do was seduce her and taste the delicious flowing essence that was protected by her creamy skin. "Where do you want to do the homework?"

Damon smirked. "Let's go to my bedroom. I feel more comfortable in there."

Mary's eyes lit up and she smiled. "Whatever you want. I'll be waiting." she lumbered up the stairs and went up to his bedroom. She opened the door and gasped. His room was shrouded in black, darkness. Every bit of furnishing was a dark black color and the bedspread had white lines on it while the rest was suffused in a realm of darkness. Her Hans softly grazed the black confronter. It was extremely soft, it was as If she was touching a feather. Her eyes soon rested on a table that had a piece of paper on it. Curiosity got the better of her and she wandered over to it. Her blood ran ice cold as she read the writing on it. 

Katherine, 1864

Her hands shook and body trembled as she heard footsteps approaching the bedroom. Who was this Katherine? And why did that piece of paper have the date 1864 on it?

Damon soon walked into the room, smirking as his eyes landed on Mary. "Ready?"

Mary's eyes shot a look of fear at Damon before she managed to choke out, "Who is Katherine? And why does this paper say 1864 on it?"

Damon's grin turned evil as he advanced on her, his fangs slowly coming to the surface. "It's because she was my girlfriend back in that time and the one to turn me."

Mary whole frame shook as she stared into the twisted smile on Damon's face as he spoke, veins lighting up his eyes and redness creeping upon them. "I'm a vampire, and you my dear are my next meal."

Long fangs sunk into the creamy base line of Mary's neck, sucking out the delicious flow of carmine blood. Mary screamed as loud she could, feeling her life force being drained. Blackness surrounded her vision before it took over completely. 

A/N: Yes I'm mean I know! Haha wanna find out what happens? REVIEW!

Leave out all the Rest

Leave out all the Rest

Summary: After falling ill to a virus that only vampires can get and that slowly kills them, Damon knows that his days are numbered and reflects on all the bad things he had done and how much he had hurt the one woman who ever cared about him. 

Chapter 1

My body grew weaker with every passing breath. Every movement, every twitch, every sigh of discomfort caused a wave of fire to burn my insides. This pain made the pain I felt when I got vervain inside of me feel like nothing compared to this. I knew I only had a few hours left, maybe minutes. I can feel my body shutting down on its own. And there was nothing I can do to stop it. 

My brother and Elena kept me in my room so they could keep an eye on me, hoping that they could find a cure. But they were only deluding themselves. There was nothing they could do for this.

As I lay on my deathbed, my mind flickered to the past events of my life. Each memory seemed like a sequence of chapters, always flipping to the next page when that one was finished. I had done so many things in my life that I felt amazed I could remember every details from living for 160 years. I could remember my brother, Katherine, and how she tore me and my brother apart. We were only stupid little boys back in that time who wanted a girlfriend and would do any means necessary to get one. Looking back on that now, I feel completely and utterly embarrassed by my past behavior as a kid. I was so consumed by love that I couldn't see the monster right infront of me until it was too late. She had compelled us and made us love her, only I went willingly with no compulsion. I was foolish to think that Katherine had chosen me. I should have seen what that nasty manipulative slut what capable of before she drove a wedge between my brother and I.

Soon after that, my brother and I were in transition to become monsters like Katherine. At first I had wanted to die but then my brother forced me to complete the transformation against my will. So I have been making his life a living hell ever since that day. Lying here staring death in the face, I really wish I could make amends with him. But my voice is too weak and I really don't want to get sucked under the blazing inferior that passed through my veins like wildfire. 

A few hundred years after that, I showed up in Mystic Falls to pester my brother about his new found relationship with a girl named Elena that looks like the twin of the bitch-that-shall-not-be-named. I wanted to destroy their relationship, make Stefan feel the pain I felt when Katherine got taken away from me. But that didn't work out for me. Instead they started to make me actually feel for the first time in decades. It was a weird sensation, caring for something and realizing that you can't live without it. That's how I got with Elena, and just today I realized I needed to tell her how I feel but I can't because she isn't here at the moment. 

I remember the first time I laid eyes on her. We were standing inside the boarding house after Elena walked in looking for Stefan. When I saw her standing there it took all my willpower not to take her right then and there. Her beautiful long hair flowed straight down her back like a sparkling clear waterfall. Her brown eyes were a soft milky chocolate brown color and her voice was that of an angel.  

But I knew she belonged to Stefan and that we could never happen. But atleast I could have some fun with the love birds. But soon as their relationship began to get stronger my desire to have her grew as well. Finally, I couldn't take it any longer. I walked up to her as she was closing up her car. She was surprised to see me and asked what I was doing there. I quickly made up an excuse about Caroline being too chatty and she bought it like I thought she would. Finally, I used my compulsion on her to get her to kiss me but as luck would have it Stefan gave her vervain to protect her from us. In return for my valiant efforts I got a slap in the face and told that she was nothing like Katherine. 

I knew from the beginning that she was the complete opposite to everything Katherine wads. Elena was kind, sweet, and warm while Katherine thought of the whole world as her playground and us men as her toys. She never cared about anything but herself.

I would watch Elena all the time when Stefan wasn't there. It became my daily routine to watch her at night. My eyes would be transfixed on the rise and fall of her chest that contained her lively beating heart and the lullaby of her soft breathing. She looked so beautiful when she was sleeping. It hurt me that she wasn't mine. My brother thinks that I have no heart and could care less about anything else. 

I moved on to the next chapter where I turned that drug user Vicki. Funny thing is that I tried to kill her multiple times and she just wouldn't die so we had a party and then I snapped her neck and she came back as a vampire. That was fun, watching her freak out and deny everything. She almost ended up killing Elena's little brother if it wasn't for Stefan and Elena coming to the rescue. Stefan ended up finally putting an end to her and I got the receiving end of Elena's anger-filled eyes and another slap in the face. I have to admit, she is pretty hot when she is mad.

Another wave of pain hit me, threatening to pull me under and never resurface. I fought the urge to just close my eyes and let it just end. I wasn't going to go out without putting up one hell of a fight. My mouth ached with the burning fire lodged in my throat and I knew it had been awhile since I fed. I quickly grabbed the blood bag and ripped into it, drinking as much as I could but savoring it at the same time. This could be my last meal. 

After all the red liquid was drained, I tossed it to the side like a tiny little poppet and let my newly rejuvenated body relax. The blood helped ease the physical pain I felt but nothing could help ease the emotional pain. After that tragic little story was done and over with, Stefan's friend Lexi came into town. She came to see Stefan, why wouldn't she? He's the perfect vampire who kills little woodland creatures and I kill pesky humans.    

Anyways, to make a long story shirt, I killed her. Why you ask? Because she was at the liability to expose us and she was about to kill the sheriff. Plus the council was on to us so we had to do something to get them to leave us alone. Yet again I was on the receiving end of a beating courtesy of my brother. He was about to kill me but luckily he wised up. Smart move.

Not after that, I found out that Bonnie had a crystal that I needed to get into the tomb with. So I kept bugging her and bugging her until Emily took over her body and went into the woods where I was waiting. I tried to get the crystal back but forgot how strong Emily was and got staked up a tree. Lucky for me Stefan came to the rescue and I watched as Emily caused red hot embers rise around her and destroy the crystal, dashing any hopes of opening the tomb. So I did the only thing that I could do, I ripped into her skin and nearly killed her. Stefan managed to save her with his blood and Elena just looked at me with pure disgust lacing her eyes. I knew she would hate me for what I did, or tried to do, but that Emily chick deserved it, even though that wasn't Emily.  

Not too long after, Elena found the picture of Katherine in Stefan's bedroom and fled from his house in anger. She ran into a vampire on the way and managed to bang up her car pretty good. Luckily I arrived there in the nick of time and saved her from any misfortune she might've had. As soon as she was in my arms, I felt an overwhelming urge to hold her and protect her with all my power, even if it killed me. I will not let any harm befall Elena. I carried her limp form to my car and got in, intending to take her away from her life just for a few hours and let her have some fun for a change. At first, she wasn't happy with me and demanded that we go back. But eventually she gave in and went to the bar I picked out that had my favorite witch working there. Surely she knew how to open the tomb. Sadly, she told me that there was no way and that it was Emily's spell, it can't be undone. Even though I was sad and pissed off, I was happy Elena was finally able to loosen up and have some fun. She beat me in three drinking contests and even told me that I needed a bib. Cocky little thing isn't she?

Anyways, the night ended with me getting another smackdown from Lexi's boyfriend. He took Elena and used her as bait to get to me. Just as he was about to drop the match that would end me for good I hear the soft but desperate voice of an angel calling out. "Please don't hurt him!" I was surprised to tilt my head and find Elena on the verge of tears as she watched me get clobbered. And here I thought she hated me. Turns out I was wrong. At that moment, a spark when off in my chest. I couldn't explain what it was but when Elena's arms were around me everything in this world felt right. I feel whole again, complete. For the first time in 145 years, I felt happy.

Who know such a simple gesture by a human could make you feel like this? I felt like I was unstoppable and no one could stand in my way. But the only problem is that Elena didn't feel the same way. She loved Stefan, to her it will always be Stefan. That hurt more then any stake to the heart ever could. That night, after I ripped the witch's heart out for sending that douchebag to beat me, I watched through the window still as Elena and Stefan made up. Something deep within my heart cracked at that moment. I didn't know what it was but soon I found out that it was jealously. Jealously of Stefan because he once again got the girl that I wanted, that I needed. That feeling only amputated when I found out that Katherine wasn't in the tomb. Feelings of sorrow, anger, hatred ran through my veins, burning them with incredible force. Katherine was gone, and Elena was taken. I had just wanted to end it right then and there but something stopped me from doing it. Was it because of the attraction I felt towards Elena, or was it something more?

Another series of searing pain ran through my body. I gripped the bed sheets with all my force and tried not to scream as my insides exploded. After a few minutes, the pain subsided and I was able to breathe normally again. Billows of sweat rolled down my face like rocks on a steep mountain. I quickly wiped them away and focused on staying conscious, atleast, until I see Elena one last time.

After that incident, we seemed to be on pretty good terms with each other until she found out who her birth mother is and who killed her.  I had no idea that Isobel had a child. If I had known that my choices might've been impacted. Elena wouldn't talk to me for the rest of the day and placed the blame on me. As if I don't have enough wrong doings on my shoulders at the moment. But I didn't really kill her, I turned her. Which apparently made it worse for Elena when her mother showed up and acted like a total bitch to her. Nothing would have pleased me more then to rip her throat out and burn her body for messing with Elena. Turns out why she was back was because she wanted to destroy those tomb vampires.

Memories were spinning in my head, spinning out of control. I could barely keep hold of one memory for long. I started to feel dizzy and my breathing got labored again. The illness was getting worse, I could feel it. But I fought to stay alive. I wasn't going to die just yet. Soon, I regained control of my memories and they started flowing through me again.

Soon, I figured out that John was Elena's father. It's ironic how a person can have two deranged parents and they turn out to be the opposite of everything that their parents are. 

After John killed all the tomb vampires, I went to Elena's where I meet Elena who was coming up the steps. I feel so helpless about not being able to save Anna and I was really vulnerable so I opened up my heart to Elena, the glowing golden light in my endless depths of darkness. I told her my feelings, and how I wanted to thank her for saving me. Then, I leaned in and placed a kiss on her cheek. The feeling of my lips against her skin was the most exotic thing I have ever experienced. Her skin was so soft, so thin that I could feel her blood rushing through my lips, almost as if I was drinking from her. I then pulled away and stated into her confused brown eyes that were swimming with questions but none of them would come out. Slowly, our faces met and we shared the most passionate kiss I've ever felt. It was beyond exquisite, beyond satisfying. There was nothing in the world that could make me feel any happier then I was in that moment. But the kiss ended with her aunt walking outside and seeing us. We pulled too quickly away for my liking, and Elena grabbed her stuff and went inside. I watched her go, touching my lips and making sure that the kiss really did happen and it wasn't a figment of my imagination. Sure enough, I could feel the warmness of her lips that lingered on mine. I turned quickly and walked away, unknowing of the danger that was in Elena's house at the moment.

Turns out, that wasn't Elena who I kissed, it was Katherine. I was foolish to think for even a second that Elena would ever kiss me. It was all wishful thinking because she will always be devoted to Stefan. She can't bear to see him get hurt. I learned that the hard way after I had deluded myself to think that Katherine loved me. She never loved me. "It was always Stefan." she said coldly as she ripped out my heart and shattered it with her words. I was so distraught, so shaken up and not in my right mind, that I went over to Elena's house to tell her once and for all how I feel about her. I told her that she can't keep denying the inevitable truth, that she can't keep saying we have nothing more then friendship. At that moment, standing so close to her face and feeling body heat radiating off of her like a wave, I leaned in and kissed her for a few seconds before she pulled back and spoke the words that killed me."Listen to me Damon! I care about you, I care about you! I do but, I love Stefan! It's always going to be Stefan!" It literally killed me inside, heck I would rather have this pain I'm feeling multiplied by a hundred then feel that cutting edge in my heart. It feel like a thousand stakes cutting into my body. 

I got pulled under by the flames again, they suffocated me. I barely was able to keep my thoughts steady as I gripped my head in agony. It felt like it was being ripped open from the inside. Slowly, I reached over to the nightstand and grabbed the pen and paper that was laying there, untouched. I knew I had only minutes left so I acted fast. Mustering up every last stored bit of energy, I began to write. The pen slipped from my hand but I managed to grab it before it chattered to the floor. I had to do this. I had to let Elena know how I feel. Even if it kills me. 

I dreamed I was missing,
you were so scared.
But no one would listen,
cuz no one else cared.
After my dreaming,
I woke with this fear.
What am I leaving,
when I'm done here.
So if you're asking me,
I want you to know.

When my time comes,
forget the wrong that I've done.
Help me leave behind some,
reasons to be missed.
Don't resent me,
and when you're feeling empty.
Keep me in your memory.
Leave out all the rest, 
leave out all the rest.

Don't be afraid,
I've taken my beating.
I've shared what I've been.
I'm strong on the surface,
not all the way through.
I've never been perfect,
but neither have you.
So if you're asking me,
 I want you to know.

When my time comes,
forget the wrong that I've done.
help me leave behind some, 
reasons to be missed.
Don't resent me,
and when you're feeling empty.
Keep me in your memory.
Leave out all the rest,
leave out all the rest.

Forgetting,
all the hurt inside you've learned to hide so well,
Pretending,
That someone can save me from myself.
I can't be who you are.

When my time comes,
forget the wrong that I've done.
Help me leave behind some,
reasons to be missed.
Don't resent me,
and when you're feeling empty.
Keep me in your memory.
Leave out all the rest,
leave out all the rest.

Forgetting,
all the hurt inside you've learned to hide so well,
Pretending,
someone else can come and save me from myself.
I can't be who you are,
I can't be who you are.

As soon as the last word hit the paper, fire exploded around me, consuming me in the orange monster. Tears fell from my eyes for the first time in 145 years as the pain became too much to bear and I closed my eyes, finally allowing myself to succumb to the ever lasting darkness. "Goodbye Elena. I-I love-" I gasped out loud as the fire in my heart burned more intensely then ever and I fell into an eternal sleep, the memory of Elena with her long chocolate hair and angelic laugh was the last thing I saw.

No one's POV

Elena was doing her hair when a sharp pain made her stop. She clutched her heart as a stabbing pain entered her body. After a few minutes, it passed just as quickly as it came. Before Elena could think of it anymore, her cell phone rang shrilly from her bedroom. She quickly dashed over to it and picked it up when she saw that Stefan calling. "Stefan, what's-"

"You need to come over here Elena. It's Damon." Not giving Elena time to answer, he hung up. 

Elena put her hand to her mouth as she reeled from shock, the thought of Damon being dead haunted her. Faster then she ever thought possible, she got into the car and sped towards the boarding house, not caring If she got a ticket for speeding. She arrived there in record time and burst through the doors, hoping by some miracle that Damon would be standing there drinking and making witty comments towards her. 

As soon as she saw the devastated look on Stefan's face, she knew he was gone. Liquid collected in pools around her eyes and she broke down right there infront of Stefan. Stefan took his girlfriend into his arms as he shed a couple of tears for his dead brother. He couldn't believe that he was crying over the man that made his life a living hell for the past 145 years. But he couldn't deny that he loved Damon. Of course he loved him and he knew Damon felt the same way. They just had a funny way of showing it.

After a few minutes, Elena cleared her eyes and walked up the stairs to Damon's room even though Stefan advised against it. "I have to see him Stefan. If I don't, then I'll know I'll regret it."

She opened the door and walked into Damon's room. Everything was black, just like Damon liked it. Even the bed spread was black. For the life of her Elena could never understand how Damon liked having a room like this but she figured that everyone had their different taste, no matter how weird it is.

Her breath hitched in her throat when she saw Damon unmoving body lying on the bed, completely lifeless and dead. Tears sprang to her eyes but she held them in as she got a closer look at his perfectly sculptured face. The glittering blue in his eyes were her favorite thing about him, besides the overly big grin he got when he found something amusing or when he wanted to piss her off. Sadly she could see neither of them. They were gone just like he was.

Upon closer inspection she spotted a piece of paper laying neatly by Damon hand. She picked it up and read it:

To Elena,

By the time you read this I will already be gone. I can feel the minutes ticking by and my life force is ebbing away from me. I wanted you to know how I truly feel about you, and I hope that this song will give you an idea of what I want. Goodbye Elena.

Damon S.

As Elena read the the song, an avalanche of tears ran down her face and dripped onto black carpet. She clutched the paper in her hands and cried as she looked at Damon's face. She softly touched his cheek and could feel the wetness between her fingertips. That only made her cry harder as she dropped beside his bed and sobbed. Soon, the tears slowed down and she lifted her head up and kissed Damon softly on his pale lips, letting them linger there for a bit before pulling away. "I love you Damon." she cried as she wiped her tears away and pulled Damon's limp body in her arms and held him close to her, kissing his cheek softly. She stayed that way until Stefan came and held his crying girlfriend. "He didn't deserve this! He didn't deserve to die!"

Stefan nodded, stroking Elena's hair softly. "I know, I know."

Elena looked at Damon's body one last time before breaking out of Stefan's grasp and kneeling down to his bed side. "Stefan, I would like to be alone if you don't mind."

Stefan nodded in understanding. "I understand."

Elena watched as he left the room and closed the door, leaving Elena with Damon, her friend, enemy, and lover.

The end

A/N: I know that this was a sad Delena story so I take full responsibility for the tears that are shed. Lol. I hoped that you enjoyed it and please leave a review! 

Traitor

Summary: Mary is just like your average high school girl. Lots of friends, into sports, and loves to be with her friends and hang out at the beach on the weekends. One day, Damon is enrolled into her high school. At first, he uses her as another one of his playthings and toys with her heart. But soon, they start to fall for each other and Mary manages to help him overcome his love for his Katherine. But things take a turn for the worst when their history teacher is killed and replaced by a charming guy named Alaric that Mary slowly falls in love with. Who will Mary choose? Alaric or Damon? Read and review!

Chapter 1

Mary sighed as she slammed her locker shut after putting all the books that she didn't need for first period away. It was the first day of school, the start of her Junior year. A smile lit her face as one of her best friends, Hailey, ran over to her, enveloping her into a tight hug. "Mary, oh my god how are you? We've barely talked all summer!"

Mary smiled as she released her friend and began walking to first period. "I know I have just been so busy."

Hailey shook her head. "Don't worry about it. So hey, did you hear about that cute transfer student that arrived today?"

"What cute transfer student?" Mary asked.

"You know, the black haired one that wears all black. I think his name is Damon Salvatore."

Mary nodded as she opened the door to first period and walked into Algebra class. "Well, I haven't heard about him yet. Maybe I will later."

Hailey nodded as they took their seats and waited for other to file into the classroom. "From what I heard, he's pretty cute."

"I'm not really interested in a boyfriend right now." Mary sighed as she stared at the desk.

"Why not? Come on Mary, you are so beautiful. Any guy that can't see it is an idiot and isn't worth it."

Mary nodded as she tried to listen to her best friend's advice. The truth is, she was scared of being with someone because she was afraid of getting hurt. She had seen too many girls get hurt and heartbroken. She didn't want to be one of them. 

Hailey's eyes widened as she nudged Mary in the arm. "Mary look! It's him!"

Mary looked up from the desk and found herself staring into a pair of turquoise blue eyes. They shimmered in the light, turning into an iridescent color. A crooked smile formed his face, lighting up his features even more. His black clothes hung to him as he walked, his wavy black hair glossy and clear, making it shine under the light. He took a seat next to the stunned Mary and flashed her a dazzling smile that would make any girl melt. "Hello, I'm Damon Salvatore. Pleased to meet you."

Mary looked like a fish out of water as she robotically took Damon's hand and shook it, her eyes drinking in his appearance. "I-I'm Mary." she said at last, smiling at him the best she could.

Damon smirked and turned back around as the teacher came in and started the class. Hailey shot Mary a smirk as she stared at her with bewildered eyes. "I told you he's cute." she whispered.

"Yeah, except you left out the part where I almost have a heart attack!" Mary snapped back playfully. 

Hailey laughed as she opened her notebook. "So, what's the plan?"

"There's no plan...yet." Mary blushed a little as she cast a quick glance at Damon who looked like he was paying close attention to what the teacher was saying. 

Hailey just smiled at her friend as another day of school began. For Mary, it was the most exciting day ever.

Everyone scrambled up out of their seats as the dismissal bell rang, signaling the end of school. Mary quickly got up and in the process dropped her binder. She reached down to get it when a hand quickly when infront of her and picked it up for her. "Here you go."

Mary's eyes met with turquoise eyes as she stood there in a frozen state. Every part of her was screaming to make a move but her mind wouldn't let her. She watched as Damon took her hand and gently placed the binder in it before giving it a quick kiss and regained his body posture. "Need an escort?"

Mary mind finally whizzed back to life as she looked at the crowded hallway and nodded. "Sure, I'd love to."

Damon nodded as he took her by the hand and bypassed all the people in the walk way and made it outside in little time. Mary clutched her schoolbag close to her as she mumbled a "thanks" and took off, leaving a smirking and amused Damon in her wake. He chuckled to himself as he watched the human girl go. Oh yes, he was going to have alot of fun with this one.

A/N: I wrote this story for a very good friend of mine who loves Ian just as much as I do. :D I hoped you liked this story! Please review!! 

On Top of the World

On Top of the World

A/N: Wow! Loved ep 2 of TVD season 2! Especially the ending with Stefan and Elena up on the Ferris Wheel! But shouldn't that have had a much different ending? A Delena ending? Lucky for you we Delena shippers get our wish in this story! Read and review!

Summary: After the sudden turn events of Caroline being turned, Elena goes to find comfort in Stefan when she bumps into Damon. Will her words stick or will she start feel something other then hatred towards Damon?  

Chapter 1

Elena laid the picture of her and Caroline down on the flat table and let a few tears slip out of her eyes. She couldn't believe that Caroline, her best friend since Kindergarden, got turned into a vampire. Now everything was changing. Caroline now knows about the dangerous secret of Mystic Falls, and she was one of the dangerous secrets.

Sighing, she slipped under the heavy blankets of her bed and reached for the phone, wanting to talk to Stefan. Just as she grabbed the phone, it slipped from her hand and fell to the floor. But to her surprise, there was no thud or crash. She quickly looked down and saw no sign of the phone she just held in her hand.

"Looking for this?"

Big brown eyes rose up to meet with the shimmering glow of oceanic blue orbs, always clear like the ocean on a sunny day. Elena sighed, clearly exasperated. "And what do I owe this pleasure?"

Damon smirked. "Just came to see how you are doing."

"How do you think I'm doing?" she snapped, her brown eyes lighting up in rage.

Damon put his hands up almost as if she was going to attack him. "Whoa there. No need to get mad at me. What have I ever done to you?"

A loud sound of skin hitting skin echoed around the room. Damon rubbed at the red hand mark on his cheek and looked back up to the severely pissed off Elena. "Oh right, I killed your brother. I forgot."

If looks could kill, Damon would have been sent to hell by Elena a long time ago. But luckily for him, looks can't kill. "I swear to god Damon, if you came here just make fun of me and mock me, then I suggest you leave because I want nothing to do with you! I was just about to call Stefan!"

"Tsk tsk Elena. You shouldn't be so rude to your guests. What would your aunt think?"

Hot tears sprung up in Elena's eyes and she quickly turned away from him. "Just leave Damon."

The hard cold exterior around Damon softened at the sight of her tears. He carefully placed a hand on her shoulder, waiting for her to shrug it off. Surprisingly she didn't. "I'm sorry Elena. I didn't mean to make you cry."

Elena sniffled back a few tears and turned around to face him, tears clinging to her face. Damon took his thumb and wiped them away, looking into her glassy eyes and seeing a girl that needed to be comforted. "I'm sorry." he whispered so softly Elena barely heard it. "I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry that your friend is mixed up in all of this. I wish she wasn't. Would make things a WHOLE lot easier."

Elena managed a small smile as Damon cracked a grin. "Come on, let's go." Elena looked at him confused as he took her hand and let her out of the house and to the carnival.  He stopped at the Ferris Wheel and turned around to Elena who was looking at him in confusion. 

"What are we doing here?"

Damon smirked as he picked Elena up. "Hold on." were his last words to her before jumping into the air and landing on the highest seat of the ride. 

Elena looked around in awe as she stared at all the carnival rides that she could see so clearly now. Plus all the food stands were in perfect view. She turned around to see Damon smiling at her as he sat down and motioned for her to do the same. Elena sat down and smiled happily at him. "It's beautiful."

Damon managed a smile as he wrapped his arms around Elena's small frame and pulled her close, enjoying her amazing smell. "We have to fresher all these moments that are peaceful. God knows when we are ever going to have a night like this."

Elena nodded as she laid her head on Damon's chest, listening to the rise and fall of his breathing. "Katherine's still out there."

"I know." Damon's eyes seemed to be far away as he stared off into the night, possibly thinking of something.

Elena looked at all the twinkling stars and the beautifully colored lights glowing around the Ferris Wheel. Before she could think of what she was doing, she planted a kiss on Damon's cheek and quickly turned away, the blood rushing to her cheek in embarrassment.

Damon looked surprised but quickly brushed it away as he turned Elena's face towards his and softly kissed her on the lips. The feel of her lips against his was so unbelievably amazing that he never wanted to stop. Eventually after much floundering, he pulled away and looked into Elena's bewildered eyes. Soon, that amazing feeling hit him like a train as he kissed Elena deeply but gently. Her mouth crashed and collided with his, amplifying that pleasure by tenfold. They wrestled with each other until oxygen was necessary. Elena could feel her heart beating fast like she just ran for the olympics and her hands were shaking as she looked into that gorgeous face that had caused her so much heartache. "I still haven't forgotten what you did Damon."

Damon nodded, knowing full well that she wasn't easily forgiving when it came to him, but knowing that she was attracted to him in such a way she didn't even know. "I know." he whispered, planting on final kiss on her forehead before whisking her away back to her house and to her bed. The phone was placed neatly in Elena's hand as Damon vanished into the darkness. She looked at the phone and then back at the window that Damon departed through. With one final sigh, she set the phone back on the receiver and closed her eyes, dreams of her and Damon kissing filled the night until morning.

The end

The vampire diaries season 2 the unaired version

Vampire Diaries Season 2: The Unaired Version

A/N: I thought I would write a funny little story making fun of the first ep back which was so amazing! Hope you enjoy!

Chapter 1

John: *thinks to self * damn, where is that glass of orange juice I drank earlier? *closes fridge and sees Elena* Oh, you scared me you little whore!

Elena: Sorry Daddy. 

John: Anyways, where did that hot smoking aunt of yours go? 

Elena: You mean the one you used to sleep with? Oh she's outside, flirting with the firefighters.

John: Figures. Little tramp. Anyways, where is that good for nothing brother of yours?

Elena: Probably snorting up cocaine in his room. You know how depressed he can get.

John: Mhm. So do you need any help with those knives? Jenna would kill me if I let you get hurt and then I won't get laid for atleast a week.

Elena: Sure. *looks down at hand and cuts off his fingers*

John: *screams* what the hell was that for you little whore? You're grounded!

Elena: You really shouldn't be making threats old man. *face changes*

John: Oh god you're not that girl who I met at a bar, got drunk with, and slept with and never called back are you?

Elena: Nope, I'm much worse. *stabs him in the stomach* goodbye John. You were never my type.

John: *gasps* you bitch. You're Katherine, that girl I cheated on Isobel with!

Katherine: Right again moron. *disappears*

Outside of the house

Elena: Damn, I can't find my pack of tampons. I think someone took them when they robbed me of my clothes.

Stefan: And what do you want me to do about it? Call out a search party?

Elena: No, I want you to shut your retarded vampire mouth and get your butt over to the hospital so you can see how my idiot friend is doing.

Stefan: Fine I will. 

Elena: Good, now be a good little vampire and go chase some bunnies. *hangs up and walks into the house* Jeremy, you up? I need you to get me some tampons! *hears a noise from the kitchen* Jeremy! How many times do I have to tell you? No sex in the kitchen! *walks into the kitchen and sees John lying on the ground with blood surrounding him* well thank god someone put that bastard in his place.

John: Elena, you little bitch is that you? I just got stabbed by your evil twin!

Elena: And I'm supposed to care why? You almost killed my secret lover Damon tonight!

John: Just shut up and come over here and call for help!

Elena: Fine! *grabs phone and dials 911* Hello, I need an ambulance! My uncle is an idiot and banged his head through our plasma screen TV because his favorite show wasn't on.

John: Behind you!

Elena: Just a second. *takes phone away from ear* can't you see I'm on the phone you ignorant buffoon! What do you want?

John: Your evil twin is right there!

Elena: *whips around but sees nothing* you truly are an ass, you know that? *picks up knife and walks into the hallway*

Elena: *hears a noise and quickly turns* darn, little whore is faster then I thought! *hears door open* darn it! Oh no Jeremy better not be reading my diary again! *runs up the stairs* JEREMY SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU ARE READING MY DIARY YOU ARE DEAD!!!

Jeremy: *eyes flash open* What the hell Elena?

Elena: Oh good, you were sleeping. Wait why were you sleeping? Got stoned again?

Jeremy: No I tried to kill myself.

Elena: I always knew you are an emo and depressed but I'd never thought you'd stoop so low.

Jeremy: My hoe Anna died so now life is depressing.

Elena: Anna? The whore who kidnaped me and tried to use me as a prostitute?

Jeremy: Yep that's the one.

Elena: Oh hold on, my bunny eating boyfriend is here. *walks out of the room and downstairs* Stefan, come here!

Stefan: *sighs and thinks* back to bitch vile we go. *looks up at Elena* What do you want Elena?

Elena: I need you upstairs NOW! Jeremy's smoking weed again!

Stefan: Like I could give a crap. *walks up the stairs and sees Jeremy sitting on his bed, looking depressed*

Elena: I found this little brat asleep and when he woke up he said that he wanted to kill himself so he can spend time with his precious Anna.

Stefan: You really are crazy.

Jeremy: WILL BOTH OF YOU SHUT UP? I was trying to turn into a vampire!

Elena: Oh god no, I can't stand the sight of one more bloodsucker in this town!

Stefan: Don't worry the idiot is not a vamp. He doesn't know how to commit suicide properly so his plan didn't work.

Jeremy: Hey, I do know how to kill myself!

Elena: No Jeremy you don't.

Police officer: *walks into the room* Miss Elena Gilbert? I need you down here to answer a few questions regarding your missing clothes and other...things.

Elena: I'm going to the hospital. Can you make yourself useful and stay here with Jeremy? My aunt will kill me if he dies but I seriously couldn't give a crap what he does.

Stefan: Fine, I'll stay here and I'll try not to eat him.

Jeremy: I don't need some depressed vampire watching over me! 

Elena: Shut up and stop being such a sissy!

At the hospital

Bonnie: Hey Mutt, how are you?

Matt: I'm peachy, thanks for asking witch.

Bonnie: Let me guess, that bubbling idiot isn't going to live is she?

Matt: Right now it's looking pretty bleak. It's too bad too. She was great in bed.

Bonnie: Ok, that is WAY too much information!

Elena: Hey guys, how Is everyone? 

Matt: Not good.

Bonnie: The doctors are saying that dizzy blond might not make it.

Elena: What?

Bonnie: *hugs Elena* I'm going to miss making fun of her behind her back and pulling hilarious pranks on her!

Damon: Maybe you won't have too.

Bonnie: Oh god, here comes the drama king. What do you want?

Damon: Believe it or not, I want to help you. We can't let that chatterbox die. Believe it or not she was a great little slut.

Elena: And how are we supposed to help her?

Damon: I could give her some blood. She loves my blood. I must taste really good.

Elena: And have her turn into a depressed, homicidal vampire like you? I don't think so.

Bonnie: Do it.

Damon: What? 

Bonnie: You heard what I said you piece of vampire crap. Do it before I give you another migraine!

Damon: If I do this, you and me, we call a truce?

Bonnie: No, but you'll do it anyways. For you secret little whore Elena.

Elena: As if I would be his slut. I'd sooner die.

Damon: Listen to me you brat. We have to talk about what happened tonight.

Elena: Um, duh I already like know what happened! Wow for a vampire you really are retarded. A vampire broke into the house and almost killed Daddy dearest.

Damon: What the hell are you talking about? After I left?

Elena: When were you at the house?

Damon: Don't play dumb with me!

Elena: Ok Damon, now I know you have been drinking because I did not see you at the house!

Damon: Don't you remember the porch, the kiss, your retarded aunt walking in on us?

Elena: Ok, first of all I wasn't at the house, second of all I wouldn't kiss you if you were the last thing on earth! I'd rather kiss a turd. 

Jenna: Hey Elena I came as soon as I got the call but unfortunately I couldn't find any tampons at the store.

Elena: Where have you been I've been needing them for like an hour now!

Jenna: I had some business to attend to with the fire fighters. I told you that before I left! God don't you ever listen?

Elena: You must be high because you never told me that!

Jenna: Yes I did!

Elena: No you didn't!

Jenna: Yes I did you little whore! Shut up and listen to me!

Elena: Screw you!

Damon: *looks back and fourth between the two* oh god, the bitch is back.

At Elena's house

Stefan: *hears the door open and goes downstairs to see Elena standing there* wow that was fast. So what happened? Did she die?

Elena: I don't know Stefan. *hugs him*

Stefan: *thinks to self* why does she smell different? She better not be cheating on me!

Elena: Kiss me you stupid vampire.

Stefan: *face changes and throws Katherine to the ground* Katherine! 

Katherine: *stands back up* hello Stefan. I see you remember me well.

Stefan: You whore you cheated on me!

Katherine: Yeah, so what?

Stefan: *slams Katherine up against the wall a couple of times* I hate you.

Katherine: *grabs Stefan's hand and twisted it just as the door opened*

Elena: Stefan, why were you on the ground? My carpet is going to get dirty because of you laying on it like some retard!

Damon: Katherine did this.

Elena: What? 

Damon: Katherine did this. She's back.

Elena: So she's the one who tried to kill my douchebag of a dad and my pathetic boyfriend? Well she gets points for that.

Stefan: Hey!

In the kitchen

Damon: Did she say what she wanted?

Stefan: No, she was too busy trying to get into my pants.

Elena: I told emo boy. I can't lie to him anymore.

Stefan: Are you ok?

Elena: Does it LOOK like I'm ok? I came home to find my psycho Dad on the floor bleeding like a woman that's on her period and plus my emo brother almost turned into a disgusting vampire like you!

Stefan: I'm so sorry that all of this happened.

Elena: Go cry me a river.

Stefan: So what should we do about Katherine? I know, maybe your dad knows something.

Elena: No way am I going anywhere near that child molester!

Stefan: So Damon, what happened when you thought she was Elena?

Damon: Oh that, I fucked her brains out.

Elena: You said we kissed!

Damon: Same thing.

Stefan: What the hell are you talking about?

Damon: Well, you know when two lips pucker and they..*makes kissing sounds*

Stefan: *vamp speeds over to Damon who vamp speeds over to Elena*

Elena: *stands up* will you two stop fighting like a couple of girls? We have more important matters to attend to, like going to see John and pump him for info about my twin.

Damon: I have a better idea. I'll just ignore the bitch.

Elena: You seriously are retarded.

Damon: If Katherine thinks she's being ignored, it'll lure her out. She'll make a move.

Stefan: Then what?
 
Damon: We'll see who gets to sleep with her first. *walks out of the house*

At the hospital

Bonnie: Have you been here all night flirting with girls?

Matt: No, I've been here with my crazy bitch of a girlfriend. Somehow she made a fast recovery.

Bonnie: Great, and how is she?

Matt: See for yourself. *walks into Caroline's room and sees her watching TV*

Caroline: Hey guys! You made it just in time! Barney's on!

Bonnie: We just came in to see how you are doing.

Caroline: You guys are so sweet but I really didn't need your concern. I can take care of myself. 

Matt: Well, I'm sorry for worrying about you and not flirting with every girl I saw. 

Caroline: You better not have or else I'll dump your butt!

Matt: To be honest that wouldn't be so bad. I need a break from your mouth!

Bonnie: Ok guys let's not turn Caroline into a total raging animal yet. We need to be happy she is still alive.

Matt: *grumbles* fine.

Carl, Liz, Damon scene

Carl: I want to find the person who killed my good for nothing husband!

Liz: He was a jerk. He deserved to die.

Carl: Shut up! He may have cheated and slept around but he was good in bed! How else am I supposed to get laid now?

Liz: Why don't you go pose as a prostitute and see how far you get.

Damon: Ok ladies, that is quite enough. We need to stop arguing and figure out what killed Carl's husband. God knows she's going to die without her sex slave around. 

At the Lockwoods

Tyler: *sees a black jeep pull up* Oh god not him. Uncle Mason?

Mason: *steps out and walks up* Tyler? What happened to you? In my mind you're twelve years old.

Tyler: Yeah, because you're a child molester. 

Mason: Come here and let me give you a hug. I promise I won't feel you up.

Tyler: *hugs him* Dude, why do you have a boner?

At the hospital

Stefan: Are you ready?

Elena: No, I'm not. I need a used tampon so I can shove it up his nose.

Stefan: What is it with your obsession with tampons?

Elena: Your a natural born idiot guy. You wouldn't understand.

Stefan: *sighs as he walks into the room and sees John*

Elena: Child molester, we need to talk.

John: We know that Katherine tried to kill you and rape you. We want to know why she tried to screw a pathetic life form such as yourself.

John: You want me to tell YOU?

Stefan: Then talk to your whiny daughter!

John: That tramp is no daughter of mine. She's better off selling herself on the streets.

Elena: Now I know why my bitchy twin did what she did. I hope you rot in hell you pervert! *storms out*

Stefan: *grabs John by the neck* You better listen good and listen well because I'm only gonna say this once! *bites into his wrist and shoves it up into John's mouth* drink it! Drink it you no good excuse for a human bring! If you ever molest Elena or steal her clothes or anything else again, I'll hang you from a flagpole wearing a pink shirt and hello kitty underwear! You have twenty four hours to leave this town, starting now!

At the Lockwoods

Damon: Who's that guy with Carl Lockwood?

Liz: Ugh, he's her newest manwhore. 

Damon: Is he anything like that pedophile John?

Liz: No, thankfully he's not creepy and doesn't molest children and doesn't try to kill every depressed person he sees, thinking that they're a vampire but he's not a believer either. He's too preoccupied trying to find the perfect girl to be his slut for life. 

*Katherine walks up to the Lockwood's house* 

Tyler: *thinks to self* man If she didn't have a boyfriend I'd do her in a heartbeat. *smiles* Hello Elena. Thanks for coming. Come on in.

Katherine: *thinks* ugh this person is disgusting. Just by the look on his face I can tell he's mind fucking me. *walks into the building, with an evil smile on her face*

Outside of the hospital

Elena: Ugh I have to go pick up my stupid aunt and depressed emo brother and go to the Lockwoods. By the way, what did you do to John?

Stefan: I told him to leave town.

Elena: Told? More like forced.

Stefan: Yeah, I can't have that kind of competition in town. I saw the way you were looking at him.

Elena: You know, sometimes I really question your intelligence. He's my step no good for nothing idiot of a father. 

Stefan: Well, I have to get back to Damon now.

Elena: Why do I get the feeling that you two are secret lovers?

Stefan: Elena, why would I do my own brother? That's nasty and plus I bet he's not even good in bed. 

Elena: You never know, weirder things have happened.

Stefan: Besides, he kissed you and I'm not ok with that. I have half a mind to put this epically hilarious video of Damon talking in his sleep about wanting to do bunnies and ponies on YouTube. Then that'll teach him a lesson!

Elena: Oh my god, no way!

Stefan: Plus he's doing Katherine right now. And we all know how he gets with her.

Elena: He becomes unstable and more of a desperate fool then ever before.

Stefan: Which is why I need to go deal with him.

Elena: Go ahead. I'll go get crackhead and dizzy aunt and meet you there.

At the Lockwoods

Bonnie: Did you know that the Lockwoods were affected by the device?

Damon: Bonnie, I appreciate the effort but you seriously need to stop hitting on me. It's not cute anymore.

Bonnie: If you would pull your head out of your rear end then you would see that I'm trying to tell you something about the Lockwoods! There is something up with them.

Damon: And I'm supposed to care why?

Bonnie: Well, wouldn't you like to know how?

Damon: Yes Bonnie, I would love to know why that device affected that sad poor little boy who hasn't gone through puberty yet who by the way, lasted through that vampire torture device that screwed with me and made me fall to my knees like a weak little girl!

Bonnie: You are a weak little girl Damon.

Damon: Anyways, how's my little slut Caroline doing?

Bonnie: Much better.

Damon: You're welcome.

Bonnie: No you're welcome!

Damon: Why am I welcome?

Bonnie: You're lucky I didn't chop you up and feed you to my dogs yet!

Damon: No good deed goes unpunished with you does it?

Bonnie: I know what you are Damon. You are nothing but a womanizer who loves screwing with women regardless of how they feel! You hit on me again and I'm going to take you out. 

Damon: Bonnie, everyone knows that you are PMSing at the moment and that you miss your weak pathetic granny. So stop acting so tough and go back to little weak Bonnie. 

Bonnie: *thinks* I warned the  poor fool.

Damon: Ahh! Stupid witch Is mind fucking me again! I knew it! I knew she had the hots for me.

Bonnie: Oh I'm sorry. You were saying? *walks away*

Damon: Darn, she sure is hot when she's pissed!

Bonnie: *walks up to Katherine* Damon is such a bragger. He won't stop talking about how he saved Caroline when we both know if he wasn't such a whiny little girl that wanted to screw Katherine none of this would've happened!

Katherine: I'm sorry Bonnie. I always knew Damon had woman issues. I just didn't know how severe they were.


Bonnie: Thanks Elena. *touches her arm and quickly pulls it away* I need to go find Tyler. He's probably in the bathroom crying about his Daddy issues. *walks away and pulls out her cell phone* Elena you little late whore! Where the hell are you?

Elena: Will you stop screeching like a banshee for five minutes? I'm getting into the car now. Blame my lateness on stonehead over here who was found snorting crack. *hangs up*

Bonnie: *turns around and sees Katherine grinning wickedly*

Katherine: We haven't officially met. I'm Katherine. 

Bonnie/ I know who you are. You're Damon's long lost slut and lover.

Katherine: And you're the best friend right? I've been putting the pieces of Elena's depressing life together. Isobel said it was a bit disturbing and quite embarrassing. Jeremy is the sad little boy who for some reason can't seem to find a girl that will stick around for long and Jenna is the aunt who has the burden of taking care of Elena and her idiot brother. I've met the delicious boyfriend Matt who won't stop screwing that moronic waste of space blond who is better off dead and you are Elena's best friend that secretly is a lesbian. Did I do good?

Bonnie: Go to hell bitch. *turns around and uses her physic powers on Katherine who holds her head in pain*

Katherine: *recovers* Wow, your ability to screw minds is utterly pathetic. No wonder you don't have a boyfriend. *slams Bonnie up against the wall*

Bonnie: *uses her powers to open the door*

Katherine: Nice, looks like your abilities are handy after all. You can now screw doors!

Stefan: Katherine, leave that retarded witch alone.

Katherine: Ok. *walks over to Stefan and runs her finger across his shirt while grabbing a glass of red wine*

Stefan: Aren't you supposed to be screwing Damon?

Katherine: No, I decided to come and see you in a public place since the last time we saw each other the welcome you gave me wasn't exactly friendly. 

Stefan: Why would I be nice to you? You broke my heart Katherine.

Katherine: Ahh you are right but I couldn't help myself. You look cute when you are angry.

Stefan: Screw you. 

Katherine: That could be arranged.

Stefan: Just leave now. 

Katherine: Nope, no can do. I just decided that I'm going to use everybody as a sex toy. You know, for pleasure?

Stefan: I'm sorry Katherine but I already have a fine hot sex toy and I don't need you anymore.

Katherine: You're hurting my feelings Stefan. Your whiny brother was much happier to see me. But then again all he wanted to do was screw your girlfriend.

Stefan: Don't you have someone else to annoy? Like Damon?

Katherine: Can we not screw each other infront of all your friends? Let's go somewhere else. 

Stefan: Like where?

Katherine: *smirks* doesn't matter. It can be anywhere. 

Stefan: What are the rules?

Katherine: And here I thought vampires became smarter as they got older. Apparently you're dumb as a doorknob. No rules Stefan. God you are so stupid.

Outside of the Lockwoods

Jeremy: Can we just hurry and get this over with? I need to go catch a smoke.

Jenna: Jeremy, why are you back on drugs? I thought we got past that little phase of teenage rebellion?

Jeremy: I just lost someone special to me so I'm back to depressed Jeremy who is into stoner girls and does nothing with my life.

Elena: *sighs* I need a new family. *sees Damon* Hey Jenna I'll be back I gotta go make Damon feel worse about himself then he already does. *walks to Damon* Damon.

Damon: What? 

Elena: Why do you get so depressed over Katherine? She doesn't want you if you can't grow a pair and confess that you hate her and love men instead?

Damon: *takes a sip of his drink* I know what you are doing and I'm not playing a part of your little game.

Elena: Wow, you really are desperate.

Damon: Why did you think it would be a surprise that I'd kiss you? 

Elena: That's not a surprise. I'm surprised that you thought I was some whore who screwed any nice piece of meat whenever I saw it!

Damon: You whore. Now I'm hurt. I'm gonna go kill some women and have a party that involves alot of drinking and super drunk chicks.

Elena: See if I care? Go complain to your many "girlfriends" about your girl issues and leave me out of this!

Damon: Fine. See ya bitch. *starts to walk away but Bonnie runs up to them* oh god, and here I thought I got rid of you. 

Elena: Bonnie? What is it? Did another one of your boyfriends dump you?

Inside the Lockwood mansion

Jeremy: Hey man, I'm looking for the bathroom. I need to get away from Jenna and catch a smoke. I'm beat.

Tyler: I'm with you too. Today has been rough. I'm just glad that the guy who made my life a living hell is now dead. But on the other hand, I was planning on pulling a prank on him. 

Jeremy: What kind of prank?

Tyler: Change his shampoo with pink hair dye.

Jeremy: *bursts out laughing from the mental image* dude, that would have been awesome!

Tyler: You bet it would. Hey you want this? I'm sure my dad won't mind considering he's dead and the dead can't do much.

Jeremy: Sure. *takes the beer from Tyler*

Mason: *walks into the room* Tyler, Jeremy. Is there something you are not telling me?

Tyler: What are you talking about?

Mason: I mean it just seems that you two are really...close with one another.

Jeremy: Um what the hell? Tyler and I are nothing more then just friends. Nothing more, nothing less. 

Mason: Then why are you two drinking with one another?

Jeremy: To hell with this man I'm leaving! *hands the drink to Mason and walks out*

Mason: Here ya go Ty.

Tyler: *takes the drink from him* I swear this guy has serious issues.

Outside

Katherine: Those Lockwoods sure have alot of land thanks to the tomb vampires.

Stefan: Why did you want them dead?

Katherine: Because they were in my way. Besides there's only one room for a bad vampire and that's me!

Stefan: Yeah, because the Hello Kitty collection you have really shows off how bad you are. 

Katherine: Go to hell Stefan.

Stefan: Just stating the truth. Besides, why did you really come back? Can't be because John is leaving town and you won't have to have the temptation of screwing him.

Katherine: What do you think I came back for? I came back for you! You're more hotter now then you were back in the day.

Stefan: There's only one problem with your plan. I don't screw women like you anymore.

Katherine: Well you must be lying because you certainly like that Elena chick who is more bitchier then me. 

Stefan: Elena is nothing like you. Ok she may have her share of unattractiveness by obsessing over tampons, constantly talking to me about her dad who secretly molested her, and not to mention her crackhead little brother who follows us everywhere, never giving us a moment to ourselves. 

Katherine: *sighs as she gets her make up kit out* I seriously could care less about your girlfriend's issues, and OH MY GOD is that a zit?

Stefan: Katherine.

Katherine: Stefan shut up! I'm trying to pop a zit on my forehead! Oh my god it won't come out!

Stefan: Just tell me why you are here and let's get on with it so you can leave. If you don't then I will kill you and sell everything you own onto eBay, including your prized collection of Hello Kitty stickers.

Katherine: *throws make up kit away* You want to know why I'm here Stefan?

Stefan: No I really don't.

Katherine: I came back for you.

Stefan: Well, guess what? You're too late whore! Go screw someone who actually cares. Like my big brother who has Daddy issues.

Katherine: *stabs Stefan* not interested thank you very much. *walks away*

Next scene

Elena: *cleaning Stefan's wound* man, she got you good. Thank god I'm not with her. 

Stefan: I wish I could say the same. Stupid whore.

Damon: Elena I need you to leave. You and Stefan can have sex when I'm finished beating the tar out of him.

Elena: Fine, I gotta go make sure Jeremy is staying out of Jenna's secret stash of pot. *walks away*

Damon: So what's it going to be? Fight to the death? Come on, take your punch make your claim!

Stefan: I'm not gonna fight you Damon. You fight like a scared little girl and honestly it wouldn't solve the problem we have.

Damon: What problem? The fact you have Mommy and Daddy issues and are to afraid to admit it?

Stefan: No I was thinking more along the lines of your obsession with Pokemon and how you have a stuffed Pikachu in your room.

Damon: I do not have an obsession and I only have one stuffed animal!

Stefan: So if I were to go into that big closet you have with the bolted lock on it I wouldn't find more?

Damon: *looks away* n-no! And we're not even focusing on the main problem that came to town.

Stefan: Yes I know, we need to do something about Katherine.

Damon: We could tie her up and ship her off to Hello Kitty land. Not only would she love that, she wouldn't be coming back here for a long time.

Stefan: Ok well, I'll see what I can do. Just be careful around her and try not to get raped by her. She will try to rape us and break us, how we respond to that will define us. *walks off*

At the Gilbert's house

Jeremy: *sees John packing* thank god he's leaving. If I hear him sing in the shower one more time I'm going to clobber him. 

John: Jeremy, could you tell my stupid daughter that I said bye?

Jeremy: Why don't you tell her yourself and while you're at it take singing lessons!

John: I was taught to hate them Jeremy. Those vampires are nothing but trouble.

Jeremy: Yeah so? I used to love one of them!

John: I know that you have girlfriend issues but this is not how to deal with them.

Jeremy: Screw you. Anna took my mind off of the drugs and the fact that you are a creeper who molests little kids.

John: I am leaving now. I killed all the vampires I needed to kill. 

Jeremy: *looks at the ring* Is that how you are protected from dying? 

John: Yes.

Jeremy: Then why is my dad still dead?

John: Because he's an idiot and deserved to die. Also, this ring only protects you from little girl vampires like Damon and Stefan, it can't protect you from natural death.

At the Lockwoods

Tyler: *looking at a picture of his dad* I wonder if he's having fun screwing the tooth fairy? *throws the picture and slides all the pictures off of the desk*

Carl: *runs in* oh god no, Tyler is having another tantrum! Tyler stop it! Do you want your Coco Puffs to calm down?

Tyler: Leave me alone!

Mason: *runs in and knocks Tyler to the floor* Tyler stop it!

Tyler: Oh god he's molesting me!! Ahh someone help!! 

Mason: Calm down Tyler!

Tyler: Mommy!!! Get this thing off of me!!! *cries*

At the Salvatore boarding house

Damon: *pours himself a drink and walks toward his room* finally I'm alone so I can play my Pokemon video games. *senses Katherine sitting on the couch* Ah crap!

Katherine: I came to say goodbye. 

Damon: Leaving so soon?

Katherine: I know when I'm not wanted.

Damon: Don't pout. It makes you look like a little girl that is high.

Katherine: That's not very nice. You should be taught some manners.

Damon: Not interested.*tries to walk away but Katherine speeds up infront of him.*

Katherine: No goodbye kiss?

Damon: Why don't I use my Charizard and burn yo ass? Or better yet kill ya?

Katherine: Kiss me, or kill me. Which will it be Damon? Because we both know that you're only capable of one.

Damon: *turns around and Katherine slams him to the ground* my whipped, pathetic Damon.

Damon: *flips her onto the ground and glares* I'm going to regret letting you rape me but whatever. *kisses her roughly*

Katherine: That's more like it. *slams Damon into the wall and rips his shirt open*

Damon: Wait, brief pause. 

Katherine: *pushes him away from her* too much for you? I always knew you were a weak little boy who couldn't handle women like me. Go cry to your Mommy about how I raped you.

Damon: I need you to answer a question.

Katherine: *rolls eyes* no Damon, I'm not going to play Pokemon with you.

Damon: Answer it, and it's back to fireworks and rockets red glare. Answer it right, and I'll forget-

Katherine: Blah blah blah. No one cares what you have to say.

Damon: -the last 145 years I've spent missing you. How much I loved you and we can start over. This is our defining moment because-

Katherine: *holding a brush and a mirror and brushing her hair* is it over yet?

Damon: -we have the time. That's the beauty of eternity. *takes Katherine's face in his hands* I need the truth just once.

Katherine: *mumbles* Thank god it's over. You have serious issues Damon. Stop whining like a little girl about your life because that's all you ever do. You whine and bitch and whine some more! Oh and the truth is that you were just my little bitch that I used whenever Stefan wasn't around. There was a reason why I never loved you, I felt like I was in a relationship with a girl! *walks out*

Damon: *blinks and then breaks down crying like a little girl* WAHHHH!! NO ONE LOVES ME!!!! *sniff sniff* I just want somebody to love meeee!!! Is that too much to ask?? *bawls like a girl*

Elena's house

Elena: *walks into her room and sees Damon sitting on the bed* You are such a creeper Damon! I nearly had a heart attack you freak!!

Damon: Just doing my part in the neighborhood watch.

Elena: Well, I supposed I should thank your sorry butt for actually looking out for us today.

Damon: I'm your trusty bodyguard. Calm in crisis.

Elena: Oh god have you been drinking? Yuck you stink!!

Damon: *pinches his hands together to say "a little"*

Elena: And you appear to be wallowing in your depression over Katherine. God knows what could happen now.

Damon: Why would it be a surprise that I'd thought you'd kiss me back? You can't imagine that I'd believe that you'd want to?

Elena: Oh god, not another Damon speech. Haven't I've had enough to last me a lifetime?

Damon: That what we've been doing here, means something? There's something going on between us and you know it. And you're lying to me, you're lying to Stefan, and most of all you're lying to yourself. I can prove it.

Elena: Thank god you stopped- *struggles in Damon hold as he kisses her* what the hell is your problem? Are you trying to rape me?

Damon: I'm trying to show you how much I love you.

Elena: Um wow you sure are stupid. I love Stefan and I always have. I've never felt anything for you and you are one crazy vampire for thinking otherwise! Who would ever love you?

*Jeremy walks in* Elena what's going on? Is he trying to rape you?

Elena: It's nothing Jeremy. Just go back to your drugs.

Damon: No it's not ok Elena. He wants to be a depressed, homicidal vampire. *vamp speeds over to Jeremy*

Elena: Damon no, my reputation at school will be ruined!

Damon: You want to shut out the pain? It's the easiest thing in the world! All you have to do is flip the switch and SNAP!

Elena: No!! My depressed little druggie brother! *looks up at Damon with hated filled eyes* 


I HOPE YOU HAVE DIARRHEA FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE!!!!

Damon: *glares at Elena and walks out*

Lockwood house


Mason: Well, your mom just left with some guy to go to a strip club. 

Tyler: I don't understand why I get like this. 

Mason: Your dad did...horrible things to you when you were little. My dad did the same thing to him and me but luckily I've managed to keep that anger under control.

Tyler: By screwing every chick you see?

Mason: Ha-ha very funny. Soon I will teach you how to control your anger.

Elena's house

Stefan: I'm pretty sure Damon got beaten on an online Pokemon game. That's why he did it. Besides, he's wearing the ring so maybe that's why he did it.

Elena: He didn't see the ring.

Stefan: It's Katherine. She got under his skin, she undid anything that was good about him.

Elena: There's nothing good about him. Stefan, not anymore. MY STATUS AT SCHOOL IS RUINED!!! I WILL FOREVER BE PITIED BY MY CLASSMATES FOR THE LOSS OF MY IDIOT PARENTS AND MY RETARDED BROTHER WHO WANTED TO TURN INTO A KILLER!!! *sobs* I hate him Stefan.

Stefan: I know, but look on the bright side, you can finally get rid of that god awful pot smell out of the house.

Jeremy: *wakes up*

Elena: Oh thank god he's awake!! I forgot that he was wearing the ring for an instant!!

Jeremy: W-what happened? Did I get high again?

Elena: No you idiot Damon killed you! But don't worry sadly you are alive.

Stefan: You were just saying that your life would be hell if he was dead.

Elena: Yeah, but the more I thought about the positive sides to him being dead, the happier I got. And my rep at school would've gone WAY up because I wouldn't have a druggie little bro holding me down!

Jeremy: You're such a jerk.

Salvatore house

Damon: *throws glass of alcohol against the wall* I DON'T HAVE ANY GIRLFRIENDS ANYMORE!! MY LIFE IS RUINED!! RUINED I TELL YOU!!! *cries*

Caroline's hospital room

Caroline: Igh, why did I just wake up? *sees Elena* oh hi Elena, nice of you to pay me a visit in the middle of the night since you are too busy to come in the day! Some friend you are!

Elena: Wow, you really are a dumb blond. My name is Katherine. Do you need me to repeat that for you? Anyways, I have a message that I want you to deliver to the gay Salvatore brothers for me.

Caroline: What are you talking about?

Katherine: Game on. *grabs a pillow and smothers Caroline* 

Caroline: *struggles but eventually passes out, dead*

Katherine: One dumb person I don't have to worry about. Now I can have Matty all to myself. *giggles as she walks happily out of the room*

A/N: Well, what did you think? I know that I added some random stuff into the story but that was just to make it a little bit more funny. I hoped you enjoyed this parody! More to come if I get reviews! I plan on doing some from the first season. Not all but just my favorite episodes. And I'll do some more from season 2 also! :) Review please and thanks for reading!!